Or, maybe you've been dating a guy for almost a year and now you realize he sometimes disappears for days and he picks a fight whenever you inquire as to his whereabouts. But you do still have a great time together at other times. You are torn. If you decide to end the relationship, it will mean that you just wasted a year. A whole year when you could have been traveling through South America like you'd planned. You could have been dating other people. Do you end it and start over or do you continue the relationship and hope that things will work themselves out?
Sceneratios like these are all too common. I hope that I can assist you with making the right decisions so you know how what to do when you are faced with the question : "is he the right one for me."
Here are two extremely valuable resources that will help you learn how to understand the signals that men are sending and how to respond.
1. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
2. Mars and Venus on A date
We all would like to be able to make quick decisions and to avoid investing time and energy in unsuitable partners. Too many of us assume that it is just a part of dating, that there's no way around it. We give men far too much power. I am here to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way.
I know I am not the only one who wishes dating could be less confusing. We want to know what all his signals mean. We want to know if the relationship is going anywhere, if you and your partner are progressing at the same pace, whether you're on the same page. We want to feel more in control of it all. We want to be able to confidently eliminate Mr Wrong and walk away - and early - without second guessing ourselves. And we need to be able to know with certainty when we have met Mr Right.
So, how do you know when someone is right for you?
First. Know precisely what you are looking for. You prepare. When you go shopping for a bra, you know what you would like this bra to do for you. You know the type of dress you will be wearing this bra with. Strap or strapless. You know the color it needs to be. You know if it's a sports bra or a two hour cocktail number. Then we go out and select only the types that meet our requirements.
Selecting a life partner should take more thought. We must sit down and examine our lives, know our deepest needs and hidden desires to see who we really are and what will satisfy us. It demands that we set standards for what will satisfy us and what wont. This decision, of selecting a life mate is far too important to just blunder our way through it and leave it up to chance.
Can you agree with me that there is a reason you are still single or involved in a less than ideal relationship? One reason may be that you did not prepare in advance. You did not know precisely what would make you happy and fullfilled, what would keep you loving that person for life.
As part of your preparation to find true love, here is what you need to find out:
(1) Who you truly are
(2) What you need from a man to be fully satisfied
(3) How to distinguish the right men from the wrong ones - and quickly
As you can see, getting ready for true love is not an overnight endeavor. It takes time asking yourself the right questions until you get to the truth.
I know that most of us have a picture in our heads of the man we believe would be ideal for us. That usually is affective at eliminating the men who are obviously wrong. But what happens when it's not that obvious? What happens if he's non-committal or secretly addicted to high stakes black jack? That's when you will be happy that you took the time to prepare. You will have the tools to suss out the most sneaky and flawed characters and avoid investing time only to find out later.
I will show you in other articles exactly how to get to your inner most desires with indepth preparation. I will show you how to uncover those areas of your life that represent red-flags for you, deal breakers that will allow you to know for sure when a man is wrong or right for you. I will show you how to ask the right questions so you get the answers you need early on without being aggressive or clueing him into what you are really doing.
Preparation puts you in control. Nothing will throw you. You will have the self-confidence that you are taking the right steps at each stage of the relationship and you will have the assurance to confidently make the right decisions for you. The steps from dating to relationship will become more familiar just as any test does once you prepare for it.
We mentioned before that we all have even a vague image in our heads of our ideal mate. Have you ever pondered what happens when that image is unrealistic or out of alignment with who you truly are?
For example, many of us grew up going to church. Because of this upbringing, we acquired a stong set of rules and values, that were reinforced by our parents. One of these might be that you cannot marry outside of that specific religion. As you get to know yourself, you may realize that this is not your true belief, this is not a need that you have but is instead, just a hold-over from your youth. With this indepth preparation, you now have certainty of the qualities and traits that are valuable to you. You may realize that you need a man who does believe in God who has morals that matches your own and who respects your right to choose a religion. But he does not have to be a member of your specific religion. How liberating is that?
Another example may be that your parents expect you to marry a doctor because your father is a doctor. Perhaps you went along with the plan in your first marriage because you were young and feared displeasing your parents. Now that you are mature and doing the work to prepare for true love, you realize that being married to a doctor is not your priority at all. Rather, you prioritize being with a partner who is free to travel as often as you'd like.
See, getting to know you, truly is key.
Second. The Second way you can help ensure that someone is right for you, is by becoming selective. Especially as woman who are getting older, I want to emphasize the need to be selective. I am sad when I see women (or listen to them talk) who are consciously relaxing their demands and settling for less. I believe they think that all the good men will be taken if they maintain their standards. Or, that they have no right to have such high expectations at whatever age they are. I have even heard women express that since they are not exactly in high demand, that they had better just hold on to whoever comes along.
I am a huge proponet of living passionately (hence the title of my blog). Whether in career or love, seek passion. For that reason, I would encourage anyone to quit settling. passion fuels zest for life. It's energy and excitement and the reason you get up each day eager to see what that day brings. And whether you are 29 or 89 or anything in between, this applies.
So, never settle. Select. Select a life mate who brings out the best in you, who is of good character, who you share values with, are compatible with in more than just physical intimacy, someone who you love and cannot imagine living without, someone who fuels your passions. True love, full throttle passion is worth waiting for. Look at the "waiting time" as time to prepare yourself for this love. When you are living passionately, and you know who you are, you are infinitely more powerful, and you cannot but attract people to you.
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I will teach you the questions you need to ask so you can get the answers you need to answer that question "is he right for me". My hope is that I can make dating easier and more fun and help you along the way from first date to commitment.
What questions do you need answered about dating? Leave your comments in the box below.
Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because
after all, IT DOES!
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